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You may have noticed my music production has REALLY slowed down recently.
Now to clear everything up I just wanna say that I am not losing my passion for music production, I wouldn't blame you for thinking so, but that is not the case. In fact my passion to create is stronger than ever because I am beginning to feel like I have genuine potential to make it as a skilled dubstep producer if I work hard and stick to it. The reason I've been gone so long is actually crashes.
Now I'm not a superstitious guy, but I am convinced I am cursed. Every single project I am genuinely massively proud of seems to crash... First there was the soul-crushing crash on Ascension, y'know the one I spent over 40 hours on over a whole month; then the highly anticipated Demon Slayer, even if it was overrated, I would've liked to have finished it; then Supergiant, then the second version of Supergiant; (which I never uploaded) and recently Black hole, and a draft of a drop you can find on my Youtube channel, which I believe is the best I have ever made; better than Black Hole, Ascension and maybe even Gods...
The point is that all these pieces crash usually for no good reason, the most recent one was especially stupid. I wasn't touching my laptop, the lid was open, and there was nothing going on in the background. I leave it with the lid open for a bit while I play Overwatch with my friend, and suddenly it BLUE SCREENS and does a FULL RESET! How can you explain FLS BLUE SCREENING a laptop while it wasn't doing anything with anything but superstition?
Anyway, now with my new skill and knowledge with sytrus and Massive I understand how many at first baffling dubstep tracks are made, which helps me become inspired by them. You often get much more effective inspiration from music you understand, and at first I didn't understand dubstep, but now I do I feel like there's so much I could do!
I just want to say, that I do not, nor will I ever claim to be perfect. I have no knowledge of music theory, no experience except what you see in my audio portal, and almost everything I know is self-taught bar a couple online tutorials.
Why am I saying this? Have I been povoked? No. I just want this to be what you see when you click on my profile. I'm 14 but that does not mean I should be shamed for trying my hand at music making, it does not mean I'm stupid, I'm just a little more susceptible to mistakes than an adult. I have my regrets, and I will likely have more in future, I may even regret writing this. I accept that I will make mistakes and try to make up for them, though I may just have to accept them.
I may do a few things to increase plays, but I swear I will never make a title misleading for the sake of popularity. If I ever break this promise, you are free to call me out on it and insult me however you like; however, before you accuse me of "Clickbaiting", learn that clickbaiting isn't a black and white situation. It's not just evil no matter how it's used, clickbaiting is fine as long as it is not misleading, or a flat out lie.
Music isn't my job, music isn't a routine, music to me isn't work and chores. Music to me is fun, and a place to utilize constructive creativity, in the rare miraculous moments its beautiful face shows. Sometimes I will try to create when I run out of creativity, because I feel guilty about my silence, despite how little to others it may matter. Sadly it is usually in these situations of desperation and hopeless effort that I will make my mistakes, embarrasments and regrets, regardless of time, effort and love. Just know I tried, and what I make regardless of quality has had hours of care put into it, for no reward; Except a few minutes of appreciation from friends and family, and something to say about myself.
I say all this, not to demand pity, but as a reminder to all of you and me too that I am human; and as a precaution. A precaution I don't let any accomplishments go to my head. A precaution to identify and protect myself from possible future hate. A precaution I do not become one of the haters to anyone undeserving of it. A precaution I don't forget the difference between constructive criticism and real harrasment. A precaution I don't step outa line and neither do you. A reminder of who I am and who you are. Something I will hopefully look back on to clear my head in harder times and give me the strength to do the right thing.
Thank you for reading, that's more than most people would do. So as little of an accomplishment as it seems, give yourself a pat on the back for being patient through my ramblings, Maybe you'd like to spew your thoughts out; go ahead, you deserve to after reading all this, I listen to everything my readers, viewers and listeners have to say. It's the least I can do to repay you guys for caring enough to read or listen to what I have done and what I have to say. I may have times where I will go quiet, but I promise to be social as often as I can on here.
Apparently MMJ made music is against the rules on NG, so I've just spent half an hour deleting all my MMJ stuff, I was just talking with a mod and he mentioned it was against the rules and asked me to remove all my MMJ stuff. I always knew it was frowned upon but I find it suprising that I got scouted and so much attention on my MMJ stuff and the whole time no-one so much as batted an eyelid at this apparently forbidden content. Anyway it's gone and not coming back sorry...
I know I haven't uploaded as much as I should recently, it's just I've become a lot more original and learned a lot of new tricks I want to try, but originality takes time and the tricks don't always mix well so I keep having to cut and trim what I make. On top of that the biggest reason is that Worms from Uranus and Ascension crashed, both massive projects for me at the time that I had worked so hard on, both down the drain.
On the bright side Scarred is showing promise and while still being almost as good as Worms from Uranus and Ascension it's nearly done! I've just exported a second backup of it and it's almost 6 minutes long already! After that is The Alien Lullaby remastered, which should be a nice break. Ambient is a lot easier than dubstep and while it does require a lot of mastering, it isn't as stressful as mastering the drop of Scarred, one loop needed 5 instances of Maximus stacked on top of each other combined with Fruity Blood Overdrive and Fast dist just to be heard!
I created my account with google+ and so every time I sign in I just click "Sign in with Google +" However, this has stopped working, so has "Sign in with facebook" so now I have to sign in with my username and password, only problem is, no matter how many times I change my password back to what I could've sworn it was, it says it's wrong. It's happened more than once it's a cycle of:
1. Wrong password despite typing it in right
2. Changes it
3. Types in password and says it's correct
4. Comes back typing in same password, but it says it's wrong...
No idea why it's happening, but I imagine me changing my password so much is a little suspicious, so I'm not sure if eventually it'll lock me out forever, so if I suddenly dissappear, that might be why...
Seriously, thanks guys, I really appreciate it. I don't think Apocalypse Alert is deserving of it, I think Cyborg or AdVancE deserve it more, but hey; don't look a gift horse in the mouth right?
Sorry to leave ya, but it's just for a week, I've left you some of my best works in a while to make up for it! I've made sure to upload Death, Spider Dance Remix, Unrelenting and probably most excitingly Cyborg! It may be the shortest of them, but it's the one I'm most proud of and I feel this marks a milestone for me.
Also, just 'cause I've been trying hard recently, doesn't mean there's gonna be a decline in quality when I come back, I'll be ready to give it 100% again and I still have about 20 new GMS presets I've made I'm yet to use... Next up is the Megalovania remix and after that another ambient one that's actually already done, but I'm holding it back to be cut, it turned out way longer than expected, it's 12 minutes long....
I really struggled to get plays when I made music with MMJ, no joke, I was amazed when Level 99 got 10 plays! But now all of a sudden apparently you did like the MMJ music since that's gotten way ahead in popularity from FLS... Because of this, I have come to a decision...
I was planning on ending my MMJ music at Vol.4 (so 40 would be the last one, I've made up to 32 and uploadedup to 25 right now...) but if you like it so much, I'll treat the MMJ music like the obligatory work and FLS like leisure, not like that's how it is... MMJ is fun and quicker, but that's how I'll treat it...
As soon as NG decides I can upload another song (Seriously I hate this songs per day limit, it's WAY easier to not upload for a month and then upload everything you did while you were away than to do each one one by one...) You can be expecting:
- Metalic (Brostep)
- Obsessive Minecraft (Light (compared to my usual stuff at least...) dubstep)
- Dream Disco (Dance / Trance)
- Malware (Drum n Bass)
and after that I forgot what 30 was and you can Expect:
- Death (Hardcore Dubstep, also REALLY long, about 25 minutes)
- Nightfall (Ambient / trance)
- A trap song (unnamed and unfinished)
I just wanted to be able to talk directly to those who care, not those who clicked on one of my songs and watched one minute of it and then left my pofile forever, though I even appreciate those people... But to those who cared enough to look at my profile, give my music a review or simply read the description of a song...
I never really was confident in my ability to create music, it was something I enjoyed but it simply felt like I couldn't be a real music creator, I hated music my whole life, it was so boring to me. Music lessons were fun but I never listened to it.
Then, in late 2013 I used a music creating software for the first time. It was on a school trip and I was not enthusiastic, but I loved it when I started using it! Then, much later, I stumbled across Music Maker Jam. It seemed like that was the best I was going to get and I made music on there for a while...
Once I finally figured out a system to get music from my tablet to Newgrounds I felt great, but my uploads were never stable and I couldn't help feel I was... I guess the best word for it is cheating... I enjoyed making it, but I got 1-7 views on my music which was disappointing and I felt I deserved it...
But now I've finally got myself FLS I can upload somewhat consistently, feel appreciated, Have fun making music again, I've never felt better! With MMJ I always felt I was getting nowhere, like I was calling out for attention over and over into an empty void... I felt like it was hopeless and I was nothing but an annoyance...
I haven't even mentioned how much I am unendingly greatful for FINALLY getting scouted for the audio portal, my goal from the very beginning was to get my music onto GD and I was distraught when it didn't work! Now thanks to you guys scouting me I am more popular than ever with an average of about 90 views on my music and seeing my music on a GD level nearly put meto tears with joy!
As for the future of MMJ I am not done with it, so you can tell them apart all MMJ songs will have Zound - at the beginning and all FLS songs will have FLS12(Demo) - at the beginning, and I am not done yet, in fact I'm on Vol.4! But TBH the reason I'm so far ahead is that I REALLY can't be bothered to find every single missing recording, put it into dropbox, retreive it, Convert ALL of them from .oggs to .mp3s retrieve each ONE AT A TIME from gmail and then upload EVERY SINGLE ONE with thumbnails and descriptions... One day when I'm bored and fed up, I'll just sort all of that out in 1 day... Y'know, besides uploading it to NG 'cuse now you can only upload 4 a day (which is pretty annoying for me since it's most convenient for me to upload in bursts since doing multiple MMJ files at once is faster than converting each one individually)
Anyway, I'ma have to cut this short, I'm about to leave and I'll mention anything else I meant to in the next post...